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Urrrghhh!

Urrrghhh! I grunt, a sound of pain.
As I try to pull and break the chain.
The Erg ignores my feeble cry.
Before it breaks, I will die.

With all hope abandoned and no more in sight,
I continue my piece, I continue to fight.
The erg cannot win, it will not prevail.
I know I must beat it, or else I will fail.

Up the slide, I hit the cage.
I pull again, I feel the rage.
I pull again, I lower my split.
I pull again, I feel like shit.

I try to relax on my way up the slide,
To relieve the burning in my thighs.
The lactic acid I fear is too much,
I can feel it all settle, down in my butt.

The infernal machine has me trapped,
More than just my feet are strapped.
I feel compelled to keep on going.
Why I do it there is no knowing.

Halfway done or halfway to go,
Whatever you call it, it's a long way to row.
With little hope for my mortal shell,
It seems my soul may die as well.

Wait a minute and just hold on there.
This picture I've painted is rather unfair.
The Erg isn't as bad as I make it seem.
As you'll soon see, it's really a dream.

The Erg is your friend. It helps you through life.
It's a great companion, it's better than a wife.
There's nothing like it in a tense situation.
Just hop on the Erg and instant vacation!

The Erg is the best. That's truth beyond fact.
There's nothing quite like it. I'm sure of that.
If you don't believe me just try it yourself.
But stay away from Life Rowers, they're ergs spawned from hell.

But why did I write all those nasty things above?
Isn't it obvious? I'm clearly in love.
I love the Erg and the Erg loves me.
That's the way it is now and forever will be.

But wait there's more so don't stop quite yet.
What's that old saying I almost forget?
'Misery loves company' might have something to do,
With why my tone changed about halfway through.

Copyright © 1997-2021 Brendan Andersen